Friday

[rolanni]

Friday. Blue skies and frost glittering on the grass in the Long Back Yard.

Yesterday was a Writing Day. Today will be more of the same. No, I don't know how it's going. Welcome to my life.

Speaking of which . . .

Those who have been following along for the last while will perhaps have noticed that a little over a year ago, my partner, best friend, co-author, second brain, and emotional support Steve died.

I am not, and I know this very well, the only person who has endured this awful loss. Surviving a beloved partner's death, going forward -- even deciding if one wishes to go forward -- this process is many things, but there's one thing it isn't.

It's not a competition. Having taken the decision to go forward, one does what one must, or at least what seems good and productive to do. As we are all different, your methods will be different from mine.

I have had people who are before me on this road turn and take the time to tell me that I'm doing fine, and that I take as an inducement to courage from someone who has already traveled the rough bit I'm just getting to.

But -- survival is not a competition. I can't say this enough, apparently.

When I was at BaltiCon -- boy, that was a hard thing to do, but it had to be done, I decided, and so I ... managed. I hid in my room a lot. I didn't do the parties; I didn't go to panels that I wasn't on. I recruited myself for necessary tasks.

So, while I was at BaltiCon being a half-coward, a colleague told me that I was doing so well. Much better, in fact, than another colleague who had also recently lost their partner and was being publicly and (in the opinion of the first colleague) embarrassingly noisy about it. Which -- no. There is No Correct Way to Grieve. I've been plenty noisy, and expect to be so again, the road being twisty and misty like it is. Neither I nor my colleague in craft and loss are doing better than the other. We're surviving. Day by day, and sometimes minute by minute.

Life wants to live. If you're still standing after receiving what ought to have been a fatal strike, and you've decided to take the Road Forward, I won't lie to you -- it's hard.

I won't lie to you -- you're doing fine.

We're fellow travelers. Not competitors.

Comments

[soricel]

This might seem strange, but a little over a year or so ago now I was idly scrolling through the "Latest Things" on here and came across a post about your husband passing away. There was a line in it about the two of you working on different writing projects in different rooms, and it's stayed with me all this time, making me think about my partner and the fact that this is how we also spend so much of our time, and how much I want to cherish these quiet comforts while I can. Anyway, I was again scrolling through the "Latest Things" just now and came across this post, so I thought I'd comment and thank you for sharing these thoughts, and say that I'm sorry for your loss.

[hairmonger]

One of the things that makes your writing so powerful is how well you speak truth. I have not walked that road, being a hermit by nature, but thank you.

Mary Anne in Kentucky

[mirlacca]

Hear hear.