History Lesson

[rolanni]

Go read this. Yes, now. I'll wait.



...I remember my father teaching me how to fix my own car, because it was clear from a young age that I would never have a chance to marry and thus have a husband to properly do these things for me.

Comments

[intuition-ist.livejournal.com]

*nod*nod*nod*

i missed the crazy times by >< that much. my mom went through a lot of that. *shudder*

[jhetley.livejournal.com]

My mother graduated from college, Phi Beta Kappa, at a time when women had just gotten the vote. Jobs available -- teacher or librarian. My grandmother graduated from the conservatory, gifted operatic-grade singer, jobs available -- mother.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

My mother graduated high school, got a job as a secretary, married my father and, at his insistence, quit to be a stay-at-home mom. Bad, bad mistake, there.

My grandmother, one of seven children (six girls, one boy), of a milkman, somehow achieved a fourth grade education. Even more startling is that, in her teens, she went to stenography school and ultimately got a job as a typist. She quit when she married my grandfather (first a taxi driver, the a cop), and went back to work when he died.

[nimitzbrood.livejournal.com]

I saw some of that happen to my mother and I made myself a promise that if I had a daughter I would let her follow any path she chose.

Unfortunately due to her autism my daughter is going to likely take a lot longer to choose a path than most. But I remain hopeful that she will find a direction once she overcomes her major problems. And I will still hold myself to my promise no matter what the direction is.

Though I will be a little sad if the direction involves french fry preparation at a local food place.

[(Anonymous)]

My mother went to work in the bank after she finished high school (after my grandfather reneged on a promise to help her go to teacher's college - she had a scholership and everything). Later she was picked as one of two women in the state employed by the bank to be put on the men's pay scale i.e. to paid the same as the men.

I'm a child of the '70s & '80s and clearly remember being told by my aunt not to bother going to university as it would be a waste of money because I'd just getting married and stop working anyway.

Tricia

Tricia

The more things change...

[birdhousefrog.livejournal.com]

Excellent post. She doesn't mention the time period, but that would most likely be my mother who had 4 kids and no one was anything else, even with a damned fine college degree.

My father didn't teach me how to fix a car (I could have asked since he did his own work), but I have a husband and he still doesn't properly do these things for me. Having the husband (and his having knowledge of cars) guarantees nothing in this day. It's up to me to make nice with a good mechanic for both of us, which I do. I can't stand one that talks down to me as a woman and I'll worship the one that talks to me rationally and treats me as if I'm capable of being an excellent driver and car caretaker. Which I am. Because that's what my father *did* teach me.

Oz

[cailleuch.livejournal.com]

My mother graduated from HS and became a bookkeeper for a while, only due to WW2. When my dad came home she quit, a mistake. My grandmother had a Master's degree and taught second grade.

[katmoonshaker.livejournal.com]

My late grandmother met my grandfather at Abilene Christian College. She got a degree in English with a teaching certificate while he got a degree in Math with same. Then they went to MI (I believe) so he could get a Master's in Math. Back to TN to take care of her invalid mother, both of them worked in the city as teachers and drove ~30+ miles there & back to the family farm until her mother passed. They had three daughters about 5 years apart (time to build up enough sick days). She got her Masters (English I believe but it might have been Education) She was in charge of the family finances.

My mother, the eldest, married young & had me after two years of college. She realized this was a Bad Idea & we ended up at my grandparents while my mom finished her degree in English with a teaching cert. She met my Dad (not my father) and got married. They were teachers for ~30 years.

Dad wouldn't let me in the car to teach me to drive until I could name all of the parts of the engine & prove I could a) change the tires b)check all of the fluids in the car c) knew how to look up thing in the owner's manual (as well as knowing where I should keep it yada yada yada. He said that I should know this so that I wouldn't get scr*wed by repair shops who think women don't know diddly about cars. heh.

After listening to my mother read some of the letters written by my French intellectual ancestresses I've been beginning to understand where some of the attitudes in my family come from;

[baggette.livejournal.com]

I was top of my class and NHS as a sophomore, but the guidance counselor at my HS told me I was too nice and pretty to be a lawyer. He told me to find a man and make pretty babies.

asshat

[elbales]

What decade was this? I mean, asshat either way, but I'm curious.

[baggette.livejournal.com]

It was 1980, the spring of my junior year in high school. My parents would not talk with me about college or even fill out a FAFSA with me. I sought out the guidance counselor to find out what my options might be.

I got no help from him or the teachers in the Social Studies department either. Then, I decided to consult my parent's lawyer; hoping to get some real guidance there. He was just as helpful as everyone else had been.

I got married and had three sons. Welcome to the modern world of gender equality.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine notes that everything takes twenty years to get to Maine...

[martianmooncrab.livejournal.com]

The Women in my family have always had jobs. Fulltime, parttime, paid work.

The message was, get as much education as you can, no one can take that away from you.

If you have to wait on a man to fix something, you could be there forever, so, change your own tire, replace radiator hoses, know where air and other fluids go in the car. Mow your own lawn, mix oil and gas for fuel for the 2 stroke motorcycle.. the list is endless.

I can remember testing tubes out of our tv at the electronics store to get the right tube to make it work again.

[saffronrose.livejournal.com]

Not all husbands can fix cars, either. Whose idea was it that you'd never have a chance to marry? Idiotic mean thing to tell someone.

[jelazakazone.livejournal.com]

Whose idea was it that you'd never have a chance to marry?

I was wondering the same thing.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

Not all husbands can fix cars, either.

My father came from a culture that Simply Assumed that men could Fix Stuff. In his defense, he could fix anything, and so could my grandfather, his father.

Whose idea was it that you'd never have a chance to marry?

Ah. I was a Very Strange Child. It's possible there's a Diagnosis for me now available, but there wasn't at the time, for which I am Profoundly Grateful. Also, I had no Graces, nor was I a Beauty (though what my father could have expected, with that nose. . .*g*), and thus I could not be expected to excite the interest of a man looking for a competent and convenable wife. It wasn't, I note, a Completely Stupid idea that I would never marry.

And, you have to understand that my dad got a kick out of telling the story, on every one of my birthdays from the time I can remember to the time I left the house, of how the nurses at the hospital had shown him a blue-eyed, curly haired baby when he arrived at the Father's Viewing Area, and the next day, when he visited my mother in her room, the baby they brought her had ruler-straight, mud-brown hair, and brown eyes -- so he had always been convinced that they had gotten the wrong kid.

Families...

[saffronrose.livejournal.com]

My father used sarcasm on a regular basis to inflict damage. If you said anything about it, well, he was "only teasing". Inflicted pain is more like.

I wasn't especially pretty, but I was bright, as I suspect you were, and only in certain situations was I comfortably socially with my peers. I had much more interaction with adults. Visiting school friends was made onerous (lots of hoops to jump before it could happen) by a nervous/controlling mom who couldn't drive.

I bloomed in college. I wasn't necessarily the odd one out there. I discovered the SCA & fandom, and then I really wasn't the odd one out. I fit in very well.

Maybe the first baby was the wrong one? I can't remember how quickly my son's eyes when from steel grey to brown. My sister's hair lost its curl when she was 7 or so, and my mom attributed hers having lost curl to meds taken when pregnant with my siser. Mine is losing its curl now, as silver comes in more thickly amongst the black. Of course, NOW I am at peace with curly hair and I don't have it unaided any more!

[kalimeg.livejournal.com]

Actually, I never expected to marry. I couldn't see any reason to do so.

The first was a mistake. The second was a mistake also, but at least the terms of the divorce were named before the marriage took place.

The third was the one that was absolutely right.

[baobrien.livejournal.com]

I'll always remember a high school career fair in 1972, when I expressed an interest in architecture. (I'm fascinated by house plans, Dad had me helping with construction from the time I was little - though never did allow me to use power tools when he could do it...) I was straight-out told that architecture was a MAN'S profession, and that unless I was really determined I shouldn't make it my goal.

I was too young to push... just a few years later, no one would have used those words.