Naming the names

[rolanni]

I've been doing a lot of database entry for the day-job these last few weeks, which is cool, in that it gives me a chance at some ...interesting... names. A couple of the names today reminded me of a story. No point to it, really, just a memory...

'Way, 'way back in time, and considerably down-coast, I worked as a secretary in the Dean's office at the School of Social Work at the University of Maryland's graduate schools. I was the second secretary in the office, working with a woman named Nancy, and there had been others before me.

One day, Nancy announced excitedly that -- call her Anna Chang -- who had worked at my desk previous to my arrival was coming for a visit. She was very excited and went on at some length about how very much she loved Anna; how smart and sweet she was, how I was going to love her, too, and how nobody would ever know that she wasn't a native speaker, her English was so good.

I did something stupid, then; I asked what Anna's name was.

She stared at me in consternation. "Anna Chang. I told you."

"Yes, but I meant her Chinese name," said I, stupid to the death.

More consternation. "Well, it must be Anna; we told each other everything, so of course she told me her real name."

"Oh," I said, too late. But I could tell Nancy was still distressed.

Sure enough, next day, when Anna came in, and after they had exclaimed over each other and I had been introduced, Nancy said to Anna, "Sharon asked me what your real name is, but it's Anna, isn't it?"

Anna looked at me, perhaps accusingly. "It's the name I use here," she said. "My real name -- it's not easy for Americans to say."

Nancy teared up. "But -- why didn't you tell me your name?"

"It would be hard for you and I would not have been a good friend, to distress you. Everyone here calls me Anna; it's a name I chose," she said reasonably, then, with a flash of insight, "It's not that I was hiding from you, Nancy."

"I want to learn!" Nancy said, fierce now. "Tell me your name, and I'll learn to say it."

Of course it was impossible, a tangle of syllables my ear couldn't begin to sort out, nor Nancy's. She tried, very earnestly, and got tearier with each failure.

After a while, Anna suggested that they go to lunch and talk over old times. She didn't include me in the invitation, and I didn't blame her.

Nancy never talked to me about Anna again, and I still kinda feel like a heel for having asked that question...

Comments

[ailsaek.livejournal.com]

I guess this is more proof that I'm not really female or something, cos it sounds to me that Nancy was wildly overreacting and should switch to decaf.

[msss.livejournal.com]

I'm Chinese and female and used to living in a different country. Nancy was overreacting. And possibly just a bit culturally obtuse.

[mbarker.livejournal.com]

Far too late now, but two dodges I have seen used in such circumstances are (1) unpronounceable means "Far Mountain" in translation -- which gives the person who cannot hear and pronounce it something that they can say or (2) here is how we would write it -- kanji scribble -- and it is written in Roman letters this way -- romanization -- which again gives them something they can hold onto.

Of course, I have the reverse problem here in Japan. My family name is far too close to a word which means fool, which causes some people concern although it also makes it easier for them to remember it. There are several who prefer to mispronounce my given name -- Maiku or Maikaru are close enough, though.

It seems odd that Nancy would think knowing the "real" name was some sort of measure of closeness? It sounds as if she and Anna had a good relationship, even if they hadn't gotten into "real" names. I don't think your question was at all unusual.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

There are several who prefer to mispronounce my given name -- Maiku or Maikaru are close enough, though.

...which would be why the adjusted spelling of Second Son's name would bother you. Sorry 'bout that.

It seems odd that Nancy would think knowing the "real" name was some sort of measure of closeness?

She did place a lot of faith in the notion that there should always be perfect truth among friends. And here was a highly valued friend who had "lied" about something as basic as her name. Based on that, you can understand her upset, but clearly she hadn't thought the whole "perfect truth" concept through...

[mbarker.livejournal.com]

Second Son's name was interesting. It took me a few readings to realize why I was stumbling over it. Not a problem.

Does perfect truth mean all is revealed? There seems to be hints of that in Nancy's approach, which also means that once we are good friends, there is nothing more to be revealed -- kind of boring, actually? Somewhat like the common notion that husband and wife have somehow done a mind-merge, which would seem to mean that we would never need to talk again -- far from my experience!

[brownkitty.livejournal.com]

Had Nancy never encountered the concept of a nickname?

[threeringedmoon.livejournal.com]

When we were in Northern Ireland, we stayed in a B&B very close to the Giant's Causeway. I tried to get the landlady to train me to say the name of the nearest hamlet but finally had to give it up. There were just no hooks in my mind for those syllables.

[otaku-tetsuko.livejournal.com]

I can relate. The only way I could learn to pronounce the name of a certain town in Wales, which has the nickname LLanfairPG, was when a Welsh friend taught me a little nursery-rhyme tune to sing it to....

[keristor.livejournal.com]

That's because it is an invented name. The actual town name was Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll, the rest was tacked on as a tourist attraction in the 19th century (around the time the railway was being built), and worked (the town is only famous because of its name). Few Welsh people actually use the full name, most local to the area call it Llanfair P.G. or just Llanfair (although there are lots of churches of Mary so that's rather ambiguous).