How Thomas Dolby taught me to write

[rolanni]

So, I'm still down among the commas, going through what I'm optimistically calling the Final Draft of Carousel Seas.  I'm actually pretty pleased with it, in meta.  There are of course, fiddly bits to be fiddled, a couple of scenes to be expanded and/or sharpened, but it was ever thus.

In point of fact, I spent this morning with a scene that I hadn't red-lined as needing expansion; it was a pretty good scene and it did what it needed to do, which (so I thought when I was writing it) was to set up the next scene and the arrival on-screen of a character.

Now, we all know that it's good if a scene carries its weight and also does at least one thing to move the greater story along.  Right?

But, it's even better, if a scene can carry it's own weight, and move the big story along, and illuminate something new about the characters, and foreshadow an upcoming piece of business, and set up the next scene, with (now) an added twist of tension.  That's like -- Super Scene.

So, anyway, tinking with this middling important bit, the work of which  had been dealing with a necessary point of plot, and setting up The Arrival.  And --I'm watching myself start to dig into the sentences, sharpening this viewpoint, upping the stakes, adding a bit of by-play to show the relationship between the two characters confronting this situation -- and I'm not even thinking about what I'm doing, really, I'm just sort of doing some internal nodding, like I'm following along with whoever is actually doing the work, here:  "Yeah, that's good.  Oh-ho!  Why didn't I see that?  Nice, nice..." &c

I added maybe a hundred words to the scene, but it was enough to take it from a middling important scene that did its job, no muss, no fuss; to a scene that really rings some changes, and carries all that work I listed above.

And?  I can't tell you why I made the alterations that I did.  Often when I'm going in to rework/strengthen/expand a scene, I'm going in with a game plan; an idea of what needs to be punched up (or down).  This scene wasn't even tagged as a problem; I had no game plan.  I read the scene, my fingers rolled the screen back to the beginning and I started in, without any idea that anything was wrong, but a feeling that something could be better.

Which is why writing is an art, not a science.

Oh, and about Thomas Dolby?

The first time I heard "She Blinded Me With Science," my ear wouldn't make sense  of it -- there were too many "unnecessary" and "distracting" bits of business going on that had nothing to do -- in my opinion as a non-musician -- with the music.

And, yet -- try to take out the seeming side-bits, and you get something that's. . .flat, less diverse, and very much less joyously loony.

So now you know what it's like, down here among the commas, at least some of  the time.

I'm going to go get some lunch, and get back to it.

#SFWApro

Comments

joyously loony

[barbinbandon.livejournal.com]

Big smile on my face from that one! I picture you rockin' out on the pilot's chair. Who knew commas were such fun?

[attilathepbnun.livejournal.com]

That ..... is cooool ...... something we all need more of!

Aand now that I know it's a real song, I'm going to search iTunes for "She Blinded Me With Science" ....

Author at Work

[catherine ives (from livejournal.com)]

Glad you are watching you with very good effect!

[vythe.livejournal.com]

I am afraid you won't welcome this question, but please, take it as a compliment. It sort of is.

I am re-reading Carousel Tides, and there is this sentence right at the beginning: "his jeans were as soft as salt and weather could make them". I confess that I have no idea what salt and the fishing trade do to clothes - unless you soak something in the sea water and let it dry stiff... Also, Kate apparently can see and recognize the effect immediately, in the poorest light and without getting close. So, what's up with those jeans?

I half expect you to say that it is nothing, just a wanton word - but I'd rather ask and look stupid than not ask and stupid shall remain.

SOFT JEANS

[margotinez.livejournal.com]

I'm not the author, of course, but my experience is that you launder jeans a lot if they have been exposed to the fishing trade. Also, the dried salt is abrasive and accelerates wear while you are wearing them. Weathering also affects denim by fading, and eventually rots the fabric. Altogether, Borgan has ended up with soft jeans, which cling to his manly figure, thus the silhouette is quite different from that of a man wearing crisp new jeans. Hope this helps. By the by, I've just finished rereading Carousel Tides and enjoyed it even more than the first time through.

Re: SOFT JEANS

[margotinez.livejournal.com]

i should have mentioned that the fishing trade often results in blood and guts and fish scales and other slimy stuff on your jeans. Clean sea water can be a welcome rinse.

Re: SOFT JEANS

[vythe.livejournal.com]

Thanks.
So, basically you are saying that his jeans are so washed and worn that they've turned into cheesecloth, clinging to Borgan's manly figure. You are probably right - and that would explain Kate's unbalanced reaction to Borgan, too. :-)

As for re-reading the book, wait till you read it a few more times - as you'll probably do when the Sun comes out, and then again with the Seas - and you'll be picking up on minor details, too.