How to deal with difficult people

[rolanni]

Asyouknowbob, I have a day-job. By and large, it's a pretty good day-job; certainly, I've had worse. It's occasionally hard-to-very-hard on the hands, Absolutely Brutal on any Planned Writing Schedule, and sometimes the Scholarly Angst is to drown in, on account of there are more scholars angsting than there are departmental secretaries available to absorb it. Still -- a steady paycheck and health insurance, mostly grown-ups to work for... In this economy, and the one that's lumbering down the street, the day-job is not to be lightly discarded.

Working as I do in a college means that every year or three I get a new chair for one or all of the department/programs that I support. The beginning of this school year saw a changing of the departmental chair and next year there will be a change in a program chair.

The outgoing chair is senior faculty, an intelligent and savvy woman I'm going to miss very much. The incoming chair is...junior faculty, smart as new paint -- and certainly smarter than you -- perky, and extremely political. She spends a lot of time on her hair and on planning what to do with her hair. My experience of her as a faculty member is...not positive.

Now, before we go further -- I am myself a difficult person. I'm opinionated, sarcastic, and, um, old. I have no use for perkiness or for girl-games. Let us, indeed, make it plain that I am actively hostile to girl-games, having bypassed the whole girl thing in order to do the work of surviving childhood as a more-or-less intact human being. I am not a nice old lady who likes to take adorable young faculty members under her wing and mother them. Just. No.

So, the new chair is not inheriting a picnic.

On the plus side, I'm a smart, fast, experienced, good worker, with a lively sense of the ridiculous (OK, maybe not a plus, there)-- and I try to keep the lines of communication with my chairs wide open.

Keeping communication open, of course, means that the person on the other end of the line actually listens, which has not been my experience of the incoming chair. She seems -- and this is subjective, of course, but it's all I've got -- to believe that support staff exist only for the brief moment she needs to issue orders. She has no idea of the work attached to accomplishing her orders -- and doesn't care, which, to a point, she shouldn't, though she should have some realization of the fact that she is not the only fish in my supervisory sea.

Now, the challenge awaiting me is having to deal with an inexperienced chair who will insist that she knows everything, who does not have good listening skills, whose bacon I will have to save on a daily basis, and who will blame me utterly for every failure or misstep. I will need to do this and have enough emotional stamina to go home every night and write, because we have books under contract, and I don't intend to quit writing and Devote Myself to being a secretary.

Coping strategies, please? "Not taking it personally" doesn't appear to be an option, though I'd love to hear from anyone who actually manages that.

Comments

[pbray.livejournal.com]

You have my sympathies.

When I worked for a manager like that, I made him a character in one of my books and killed him off.

Repeatedly.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

Repeatedly.

*g*

[lagilman]

First off, my deepest sympathies. Tinkerbelle (my old boss) was less political and more OCD with no short term memory (yes. contemplate that for a moment. shudder. move on) but the rest sounds painfully familiar.

Nerf dart boards are useful, as is a voodoo doll (they had one for writers/publishing, I bet they have one for academia!). I suppose a bottle of gin in the filing cabinet might be frowned on...

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

Tinkerbelle (my old boss) was less political and more OCD with no short term memory

Oh. My. Ghod.

But you're better now, right?

Self defense first

[mtz322.livejournal.com]

If you don't already have one or more of Suzette Haden Elgin's Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense books get one soonest. I think there is one specifically for the Workplace. A revised edition of the original is coming out next year.

Also, she has a LJ as ozarque which you might want to visit where she has just started a series on the subject. http://ozarque.livejournal.com/
list of previous verbal self defense posts at http://ozarque.livejournal.com/556551.html

Communication modes, attack patterns, etc. all covered.

Re: Self defense first

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

I had read the original Gentle Art... a long time ago. A review probably is a good idea. Thanks for the reminder.

[(Anonymous)]

You have my deepest sympathy and empathy. Also, a whole load of my anger, cause dammit I really would like you writing and happy and not wrung out because this country has a brain dead health system... but that is another kettle of lobsters.
Actually, not to sound like a nut case, (though some might consider me such), the "voodoo doll" solution has its merits. Not a doll as such... but here is a recipe. I do actually do this on the side of my , sigh, real life living, so it is not as nuts as it seems.

Take piece of paper- colored if that resonates with how you see the appalling person.
Write her name on it, intentionally, as in thinking about her as you do so, perhaps several times as the spirit moves.
FOCUS- this is important. Perhaps appropriate soundtrack. ( joke here- Night on Bald Mountain?)
Surround the name with a little circle of salt, cutting her energy off totally from your energy-
Then envision her in a cube of mirrors, mirror side in.
All of her disagreeableness reflecting strictly back upon her. Until she learns to temper it, resolve it, or get rid of it. As in grow up.
You end with a blessing on her choices. That she may learn, and quickly, to become a better human being, and heal her past woundings. I suspect someone, somewhere, did not see her as feminine and capable. She is compensating. But that is not YOUR problem. This doesn't need more than 5 minutes, so it is not onerous.
Then take a small rock, christen it as her, put in a real box, and take it to work.
See where this takes you.
I know- sounds whack and weird. I can only say such things are, in my life, known to work.
Lots of good luck.
Nanette

[jelazakazone.livejournal.com]

Wow, this sounds so cool. Is this something that you have to do on a repeat basis, or can you just do it once (the thing with the paper)?

[shelens.livejournal.com]

I wish I had some decent advice to offer; it's virtually impossible to develop a skin thick enough to repel barbs delivered with venom by not-quite-adult persons when they (unfortunately) are in positions of authority. As a fellow "old" person with even more years accrued than you can take credit for, you have my sympathy. I work with a number of bright, very young girls who engage in political maneuvering and girl stuff, most of which I believe can be attributed to hormone fluctuations. Fortunately most of them have NO power over me, and I have learned to "work around" the only one who can order me about, mostly by pretending she didn't say what I just heard. My only real suggestion is to follow up every single verbal assault (or order) with a written email confirmation, as in "this is to confirm what you just said regarding....." and hope that she will eventually learn, sooner rather than later, that you do your work competently and in a timely fashion. By the way, it sounds as if you ought to also solicit support from some of your current chairs/program heads! I don't know if this is helpful AT ALL - if I had my selfish druthers you would spend all your time writing the books I eagerly wait for instead of needing the 'day-job' thing. Maybe the new order will come up with reasonable health insurance and you can do what you do so very well ALL the time.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

My only real suggestion is to follow up every single verbal assault (or order) with a written email confirmation, as in "this is to confirm what you just said regarding....." and hope that she will eventually learn, sooner rather than later, that you do your work competently and in a timely fashion. By the way, it sounds as if you ought to also solicit support from some of your current chairs/program heads!

Both very helpful suggestions, thank you.

[serge-lj.livejournal.com]

I am myself a difficult person (...) I am not a nice old lady...

None of that sounds like the wonderful person I've met at worldcons and elsewhere.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

You don't have to work with me. *G*

[dina-james.livejournal.com]

Now, the challenge awaiting me is having to deal with an inexperienced chair who will insist that she knows everything, who does not have good listening skills, whose bacon I will have to save on a daily basis, and who will blame me utterly for every failure or misstep.

This is just me, and I know it doesn't work for everyone or every situation, because sometimes it's just easier to deal/cope in order to avoid the work that comes from "not dealing", but I would seriously let her fall flat on her face and learn from the experience.

You said it yourself. You're not her mother. Unless you NOT "saving her bacon" daily is going to generate more angst than it's worth/more work for you than is worth going to, I would totally let her hang herself. But I'm mean and evil.

The reason she's "come this far" is because people have ALWAYS "saved her bacon" for her, and now she thinks that's not only how the world works, but that she's somehow entitled to someone else doing for her.

Of course, I don't know her, so I could be totally wrong, but that's generally how it works in my experience, and NOTHING enrages me like a totally unjustified sense of entitlement. (Smart women are notorious for this; "smarter than you" is worse than "holier than thou" in my opinion!)

And if she's such a smart girl, she should be able to figure all of that out on her own. Not that she *will*, but she should be able to.

Oh, and I'm one of those people who successfully "doesn't take it personally". I learned a lot time ago not to take things personally unless something was very specifically my fault and I knew it. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt that said "people can only make you feel the way you let them", or something to that effect, and it's entirely true. They don't know they've hurt you if you never see you cry, etc. I'm not about to let someone else's bad day affect me or my day - they don't have the right to make me feel like crap because they have issues. If something is my fault? Yeah, totally, I'll own up first thing. If someone is blaming me for something that is completely their fault because it's more convenient to blame me than it is to own up themselves and possibly look like a complete dork, oh HELL no. So yes, I *am* one of those people who "don't take it personally", unless it's something I know I'm responsible for. We do exist, and though we're usually seen as "difficult" for that (because people want you to react in the way *they* think you should, and when you don't...yeah.).

I like to say I'm an "equal opportunity offender" - I piss everyone off, and it's usually for that reason. If I can help make someone's bad day better, sure, I'll help, but I refuse to let them dump their bad day or blame their issues on me.

I grew up in a household with a man who had anger management issues. It took me a long time, growing up, to realize that he was never mad *at* anything, or anyone. He was just mad because he couldn't help being so (he did get some help when I got older, and that made things better). I finally realized/accepted that his emotional state wasn't my responsibility, and nothing I did or didn't do could change it, and I stopped letting myself take responsibility for it.

Don't take responsibility for Smart Political Hairdo. She's not your responsibility. She's a grown-up, and if she's not, she'll have to learn to be, and quick. Boot Camp starts today, and she's in the Army now. She has to put on her Big Girl Panties and cope. She's not a manager/supervisor, she's a dictator, and don't let her rule you. The best way you can cope with her is to let/make/force her to cope. She supposedly worked her way to where she is, well, now she can deal. This might mean a more difficult adjustment period than usual, but it's also the perfect situation to "train" her. Show her that things work a little differently when you're the one actually in charge. Put the responsibility back where it belongs...on her.

Just my thoughts and opinions. Hope they help!

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

I would totally let her hang herself.

See? Under normal circumstances, so would I, except she's shown herself so adept at making her failures my fault. If I'm going to be fired with prejudice, then I might as well quit with honor and avoid all the headaches. And neither one of those preserves the health insurance.

Sigh. If I make a mistake, I admit it. Granted, it's not always easy. I mean, there was the time when I was working for the newspaper that I Utterly Fracked Up the local news page. I couldn't've gotten it more wrong if I'd studied on it for a month.

So the next day, night crew ambles into the managing editor's office for the recap and he roars out, "Who is the Complete Moron who was in charge of the local page last night?"

I wanted to sink under the table, but... tell the truth and shame the Devil.

"I was," I whispered.

"You! Whatta you got to say for yourself?"

"I screwed up," I said -- and the whole crew, including the managing editor, howled.

[lillibet.livejournal.com]

jelazakazone pointed me over here. This does sound like a potentially difficult situation. I don't know if this is feasible, but perhaps you could send her an email like the following:

I'm really hoping for a very smooth transition and would love to schedule a sit-down with you to go over expectations and lay out some of the day-to-day procedures of the office, so that we can be sure you're getting the best possible support and that we all understand what's involved in taking projects from assignment to completion with the fewest snags.

Something like that. Depending on how much butter you have available, you can say things like "I know I don't have to worry about your communication skills, but that's not always the case with everyone on the team." Tell her, essentially, that you assume a level of competency that may or may not exist and you will give her something to live up to. Enlist her as an ally and you might actually get one.

It's not a sure-fire win, but it can be a very useful tactic for dealing with difficult people. Good luck and most of all, try hard not to worry about how things are going to be--sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof!

[queenmaggie.livejournal.com]

This.
Similarly, I have often resorted to extreme and perfect politeness, to let people know when they've gone over the line. "I beg your pardon" (said in a disbelieving tone) can often make people back down. "Perhaps you don't realize that I'm supporting X,Y,and Z, and they have priority until such and such a date." gives a face saving way for someone to back down. That's been my number one rule: always allow the idiot a way to save face. If they have an obvious path to back out of, they are more likely to take it than if they have to think of one themselves.
And Suzette Hayden Elgin's books have been a godsend to me for at least thirty years.

[sb-moof.livejournal.com]

At the campus where I work the departmental secretaries, aka Administrative Support Coordinators, have their own mailing list which is used for both information distribution and coordination of face to face meetings. If you can discuss and meet with some of your counterparts you may be able to find other strategies to help cope.

I too feel that emailing all verbal orders would be a good thing. Very useful when you feel you may need to CYA.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. I am in communication with my colleagues.

Reiterating verbal instructions in email is a tactic that is coming up...rather often.

[malkingrey.livejournal.com]

When you say "very political", do you mean real-world political or campus/academic political?

If the former, you can always make a point of stolidly replying to all political rants/remarks/attempts at using office resources (namely, you) for non-office politics with, "I don't believe in bringing my personal political beliefs into the workplace" or words to that effect. If the latter, maybe something more along the lines of, "As someone who has to support all members of the department [or whatever your portfolio is], I don't feel it's my place to take sides here."

"I don't play politics" is, of course, a political game in its own right -- but if you get an early start with it and stick to it firmly, it's amazing how long you can keep it running.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

When you say "very political", do you mean real-world political or campus/academic political?

The very worst sort, of course -- academic politics.

"I don't play politics" is, of course, a political game in its own right -- but if you get an early start with it and stick to it firmly, it's amazing how long you can keep it running.

I've mostly been able to stay out of the stickiest bits of inter-departmental nonsense by claiming to have a lousy memory and being clueless as to the players.

With intra-departmental politics, I get hard of hearing...

Difficult is in the eye of the beholder

[(Anonymous)]

This is a toughie. I read - with great interest - the responses everybody else wrote and I found them illuminating. I'm not sure how many of them I personally could implement - but I can tell you what I've done that sorta, kinda worked for me.

Note - the lady in question was a boss of a parallel team to mine, but our teams were supposed to be working on the project together so both she and my boss could order me around. Note2: She had a PhD and I didn't (which made me fair game in this environment as I'm sure you've seen before).

She was trying to assign me a ridiculously short timebox for finishing a particular task. I said I would bring her the completed task as soon as humanly possible. She repeated. I repeated. I was calm, I was collected, I was looking her in the eye --- I was Not Backing Down. We went about 5 rounds before she figured out I couldn't be intimidated and said, "Very well." As I left her office, I noticed my boss on the edge of walking in the door and backing me up. He looked a bit pleasantly surprised. :) She didn't get when she wanted it but she got it as soon as it was done.

If you can hang onto your temper, you will be halfway there. (I know, I know, this can be a problem --- there are certain individuals who can send me from zero to lightspeed in 2 seconds flat.) But if you can refrain from responding with anger - even if you have to excuse yourself to the ladies room for 5 minutes - you will be able to control the situation. I often try to give myself a reality check if I'm really pissed. You know, saying, "Well, really, has anyone died here?" (Even if the answer is, "Yet?") If I can get myself to see the situation alongside something more dire, I can usually refrain from spazzing.

I have also written down my thoughts after the confrontations - emailed them to me at home sometimes. I was the only one that ever saw it but it was my acknowledgement to myself of how angry (and sometimes hurt) I was. I didn't show it to the individual, though I sometimes asked for advice from upper managers and HR folk on how to handle the situation...conversational details help in cases like this.

Best of luck and remember, you can always vent here, right?
Lauretta

emailing not good

[mtz322.livejournal.com]

There have been several cases recently in which it was ruled that employee emails, from employers computers, were not protected. No privacy rights. Record remains and can be accessed and used against you.

[badgermirlacca.livejournal.com]

she is not the only fish in my supervisory sea

I think you've got a lot of good comments so far (and I actually second the one about the paper and the box--it does work, whether it's just a mental construct or not). But I would also suggest really working on making sure that the other fish in your sea are very well fed, so that if she starts acting like the jerk she appears to be, you will have some support from the folks who appreciate you.

If you have space to post one of those dry or wet-erase calendars on the wall near your desk, you could try filling in the requirements from your various bosses so she can see it.

And remember, since department heads do come and go... eventually, she's gonna go. This Too Shall Pass, and you are a survivor, and she doesn't know it yet, but she cannot function without you.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

But I would also suggest really working on making sure that the other fish in your sea are very well fed,

Oh, definitely.

If you have space to post one of those dry or wet-erase calendars on the wall near your desk, you could try filling in the requirements from your various bosses so she can see it.

I think I'm going to have to invest in one of these, anyway. I just got caught in a minor landslide that shouldn't have happened. I'm not sure if the problem was lack of planning so much as unexpectedly rich returns, but I'd like to be sure, so that it never, ever happens again.

[barsukthom.livejournal.com]

While perhaps not overly productive this may help on the morale level.
http://archiemcphee.com/items/11835.html

It is the "Angry Mob Playset" by (I believe)the folks who brought us the "Librarian" action figure.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

"Angry Mob Playset"

LOL!

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

I was in a workplace where the upper level boss said to our faces that he could treat us any way he wanted to because there was nowhere else for us to go. Yeah, fun work environment, that.

Nevertheless, I was not screwed with because I wrote everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that I did and that they said to me down in my own personal notebook the minute I started working there. It's surprising how people will back off if you have documentation proving their idiocy. I was the only peon in that office that the bosses lived in fear of.

[1crowdedhour.livejournal.com]

This one has worked well for me on several levels. I use a steno notebook and when it is full, write the dates it covers on the cover and keep it in the cube. It is useful to be able to go back a year (or three) when discussing projects that recur or things that have gone wrong.

I started doing this because I have lousy recall for things I learn verbally, but it has paid off many different ways.

Also, shredding those notebooks the day I left the company? Pure joy.

[shana.livejournal.com]

Get support from your good faculty.

You're afraid that X doesn't really understand that you have to support W, Y, Z and Q also, and feels that her stuff should have priority of your time. Do they have any suggestions on how you should handle it diplomatically?

Also, take a good look at your job description. I know you do what is needed, regardless, but in the case of Princess Chair, I suggest docummenting all unreasonable requests. Including every time she raises her voice to you. Not only is in inappropriate, this is New England, not Texas.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

I suggest docummenting all unreasonable requests.

Yeah, this one is a constant. *Unlimbers her documenting hand*

Including every time she raises her voice to you. Not only is in inappropriate, this is New England, not Texas.

LOL! Now, all the Texans I've known have been soft-spoken...

[howl-at-the-sun.livejournal.com]

Dysfunctional people make interesting antagonists. It might not hurt to make the woman into creative inspiration; every bloody irritating thing she does can be a potential plot point. Heh. Just think of what sort of child she would raise.

Also, having a polite, assumptive manner can be helpful, particularly if you take joy in subtly undermining authority and manipulating people for whom you have very little respect. You can restate her demand into a closed question. "Would you like XYZ done by Friday?" "Um, yes..." "Great, I'll be sure to let you know when it's done on Friday."

Being cheerfully patronizing can also make a good, sharp point when someone's manners fail them. If they ask you what's what, you can say, oh, I was being -polite.-

... I suppose I'm advocating a certain amount of passive-aggressive nonsense, but it tends to work really -well- on people who don't listen, because they don't hear your .. umm.. underlying communication strategies.

In all seriousness, best of luck. Doesn't sound like a fun situation.

[difrancis.livejournal.com]

No advice, but definite sympathies. I'm one of your professor types and I apparently didn't get the 'clueless/tactless/SOB behavior memo,' but many of my colleagues did. I had one sending me such emails (emails--seriously? Self-documenting your own stupidity while attacking a colleague?) that ended up in mediation. Wherein which the fact that he'd emailed all his stupidity pretty much shut him down.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

apparently didn't get the 'clueless/tactless/SOB behavior memo,'

And to be perfectly fair, the majority of my faculty members are lovely. The few that did get the memo, though...Oy.

[moon-happy.livejournal.com]

Lot's of good advice already here. I would second confirming with an e-mail, copy to self, all tasks and deadlines she gives you. So what if they're not private or the IS or admin is spying; it's business. I would also confront any girly endearments she uses (what that what you meant? gossip? what kind of girl games do you mean?) nicely but firmly. In fact, any non work comment or chat must be turned to work, or referred back to work. They start to feel stupid when all you'll talk about is tasks. And speaking of tasks, I like the idea of reviewing the detailed construction of the task with her, especially if she's new. She may be oblivious to how time consuming accurate administrative work can be.

But I offer one other thought. My husband is easily annoyed by "cute and perky" and one in particular he believed was so full of herself as to be insufferable. Because I knew her, I suggested he give her a second chance, that she was, in fact, cute-and-can't-help-that and happy, and that her friendliness was harmless. Your chairperson may not be harmless, but I bet she's scared. You aren't obliged to take her under your wing but you might want to get a better handle on her motivation.

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

"Girl-games" is what I use as a catch-all for that set of behaviors that includes:

"I was NICE to you, now you have to do something for me!"

"I have precedence because I'm adorable."

"I'm so NICE that simple declarative sentences bruise me."

I agree that one cannot help being perky, no matter how much such people may weigh on the Eeyores of the world. However, I draw the line at maliciously perky -- i.e. "Why can't you be NICE?"

It bears keeping in mind that my most solid role models growing up were men, and that an early speaking affliction meant that I opted for the shortest and most direct way to say things. Nor do I value NICE above all other human traits. I am not without my own set of biases in this *g*

How to deal with difficult people

[(Anonymous)]

You have my sympathies. My current boss was like that when she started, and has learned the hard way that there are some things a manager in my line of business (construction materials testing) should not and cannot afford to do.

My suggestions:
1. Whenever she gives you an assignment or work to do, send her an e-mail that breaks down the assignment into logical steps, and gives a timeline for accomplishing each step.
2. Make the above part of a calendar that is available to all the department/program chairs to whom you answer, so that all can see what your work load is and what your timelines and deadlines are for accomplishing your various assignments for the various chairs. This will dash any illusions on the part of the new chair that she commands all your time, and can dump on you whatever she wants, whenever she wants.
3. KEEP NOTES on the interactions you have with her! Whether these are electronic or written doesn't matter; what matters is that you keep them. They don't have to be elaborate, either. This gives you backup in case she tries to fault you for something that is not your responsibility or that you did not do. If she does accuse you of something for which you are not responsible, make sure that the administrator above her is made aware of it. My boss has a bad memory due to fibromyalgia, and once accused me of lying to her about something; I went back to my notes on that issue, and sent her an e-mail outlining what I had told her and when, and copied HER boss. She never tried that again.
3.Don't try to save her from herself, especially when it comes to interacting with other faculty and the administration. It will be a waste of your time and energy. Let her fall on her face; it is the only way she will learn how to interact responsibly with other staff and faculty.
4. Read the column by Jack and Suzy Welch on avoiding office politics in the Dec. 22, 2008 issue of Business Week. They have some valid points about avoiding back-stabbing, gossiping, and other forms of negative office behavior. That said, if there are any other senior faculty or chairs who have nothing to lose when it comes to this new chair, they could prove to be valuable allies in deflecting any negativity that she tends to spread or bestow on those she perceive to be below her.
5. Above all (and at times this will be the hardest thing to do), remain professional and calm, even in the heat of her worst pettiness. It might help to try to visualize or construct some possible situations ahead of time, and compose some responses that you can use when words might otherwise fail you.

Re: How to deal with difficult people

[rolanni.livejournal.com]

All good suggestions. Thank you.

[scaleslea.livejournal.com]

Sounds like the kind of person who believes that anything they don't personally do takes no time and no effort to achieve. In college that was the kind of professor who would give eight hours of homework every night and ignore the fact that you were taking four classes from professors who gave out the same amount of homework.

The only way I ever found of dealing with such people was to correct every tiny thing they did until they chose to bother someone else, or realized that I was just as smart as they were. Of course, this can backfire and they can decide to give you extra stupid work.

Doc

on how to handle the yuck she may shovel

[maiaarts.livejournal.com]

Lots of people have given you good stuff on how to deal with her at work.

But then you have to go home, tired, with all of her crap sticking to you.

This might be a good thing to do in combination with the mental box. It has worked for me for thirty years.

Before you enter your home, stop, shut your eyes, take deep breaths. When you are centered, use your hands to scrape all of the 'crap' that is on your shoulders and the rest of you. Place it all in a ball or stone and leave it OUTSIDE.

It will always be there when if you have to pick it up when you go back to work. But get rid of the bad. Don't take it into your home or especially your creative space.

It has worked for me when I have done theater, art, writing or just living.

Also, pour salt in a line across all the thresholds of your house. That is to block all the bad stuff of the world from coming inside your safe place.

Salt should be redone when it feels right to you.

If you know someone who does this, get them to do a cleansing or blessing of your workspace. (I don't mean the university, they may not get non-traditional coping ideas. But there may be more negative stuff in your creative space that has built up, and it wouldn't hurt to clear it all out before her garbage comes your way.

*I love love love what is happening in Saltation and I hope that girlie girl doesn't poison your success. *

[(Anonymous)]

Once worked with a doctor who's second job was as a cop. He ALWAYS asked every question 3 different ways trying to catch a lie (even over something as simple as a lab result). DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!! And preferably with witnesses around who will back you up in said documentation. I still have my notebooks from that job...

Cathy

Just a suggestion

[bookmobiler.livejournal.com]

All of us who follow your Live Journal could spend a little time focusing negative thoughts on this "Princess."

You know the sort of thing I mean. Vodoo dolls, burning in effigy, invoking nasty curses and other wise actively wishing her bad karma. With enough of us working at it she could find herself living in the very interesting times of that old Chinese curse.

We could alternate with various types of good karma efforts for you. Prayer, lighting candles, thinking good thoughts, re-reading your books! :)

[simianpower.livejournal.com]

Well, this isn't a coping strategy, per se, but it might be catharsis. Go to a pet store and buy one or more dead rodents. Dip them in liquid nitrogen until frozen solid. Throw them at the wall in said chair's office when she's not around. Run. The smell when the shattered bits thaw will never come out.

(As a side note, I don't really endorse this, but it was a gross-but-funny anecdote one of my former co-workers mentioned.)

[zola.livejournal.com]

Just my two cents, there's been a lot of good advice already...

I won't say don't take it personally, but it might help if you realize that the conflict is coming from the fact that you want to do a good job, and she's going to make it difficult for you to do a good job without excessive and extraordinary effort on your part.

The problem is that every time you save her bacon, you are teaching her that she can expect you to continue to save it, so don't do it.

When she gives you a task, if she is not being realistic about the time, let her know immediately whether she is listening or not.

Any time she tells you to do something, follow it up with an email to verify it, including if you told her that there wasn't adequate time. This step is important because it covers your ass and if the task isn't done, you told her it wouldn't be, you told her why, and you told her in ample time to adjust her orders--and you've got a time stamp to prove it.

Think "White Mutiny (http://everything2.com/title/white%2520mutiny)". And try to remember that this too shall pass.

[(Anonymous)]

I've just finished working with someone who used to actively lie / deny about what she told you to do having changed her mind several times during the process.

I learnt very quickly to get as much as I could in writing and never ever present her with a draft anything for her review. She would still find fault but less so then if the work has still in progress. I hope that that will help.

Tricia